I looked on the earth, and behold, it was without form and void;
and to the heavens, and they had no light.
I looked on the mountains, and behold, they were quaking,
and all the hills moved to and fro.
I looked, and behold, there was no man,
and all the birds of the air had fled.
I looked, and behold, the fruitful land was a desert,
and all its cities were laid in ruins
before the Lord, before his fierce anger.
For thus says the Lord, ‘The whole land shall be a desolation; yet I will not make a full end.’
Jeremiah waited by the graveside and wondered. He knew what was to come, life everlasting in the presence of the Father. Why had his heart split in two?
Such a simple phrase yet so powerful. Jesus wept. Even the Lord of the universe shuddered at the sight of his friend’s death. How could he not weep also? The Lord had spared her from the misery to come. He had chosen not to spare Jeremiah. A mystery the Lord withheld from him. After so many years, Jeremiah had grown to realize he served at the Lord’s pleasure. A pawn in the powerful hands of the Father. Yet, true freedom was found there and nowhere else. Another mystery he hadn’t had time to solve.
Tears no longer fell down Ben’s cheeks. A calm carried him to the car. Loneliness would fill the empty space before long, and the tears would flow again. But not tonight. Three days with no sleep had taken its toll. The world and its sorrows disappeared the minute his head hit the pillow.
Jeremiah remained behind and stared at the casket. Brown, beautiful, joy interwoven in sadness. A pile of scattered roses, blood red, life fading into death, lay on top. He took shallow breaths as though he might wake her if he made any noise.
Methuselah. His name a warning. His long life a mercy unheeded. The great flood came the year he died.
Victory in suffering, in death. The cemetery would soon fill with the bodies of the ones who ignored her warning. Their souls to wander in darkness.
Besides Ben and Gedeliah and Mel, had any good men remained behind? Why hadn’t God taken them away from the suffering too? Why did he always choose to leave a remnant, or had he changed his mind this time?
Would it hurt when he died?
A breeze stirred the dried grass. Holes appeared and disappeared as though the Spirit walked through the brown blades. A rabbit peeked out from a row of bushes on the edge of the cemetery and chased after the windblown footsteps. It stopped at the rim of the grave and peered inside. Brown paws dabbed a pink nose.
A hand wiped away tears which watered the dry earth. And Jeremiah wept as his Lord had done.
Empty cars, metallic shells, lined the street. Cold eyes watched from every stoop. Residents or members of the expanding homeless population, Jeremiah couldn’t tell. Both groups asked for a handout he didn’t possess. At best, he received his daily portion. A cup of rice, some lentils or pinto beans, and a liter of water. He had learned to stretch out the food over the course of the day so the hunger pangs wouldn’t keep him awake at night or so he might have extra if his allotment didn’t arrive the next day.
His daily bread. How often he had asked to receive it. Just enough to get by. He wondered what portion the ravens brought to Elijah in the desert.
A woman propositioned him, leaning against a streetlight in her best seductive pose. Meth or heroin or both had caved in her cheeks and stolen her dignity, leaving no more than a thread of humanity. He moved on without turning his head.
His legs carried him to the plaza where he had begun his early preaching. Nostalgia had replaced the bad memories, aversion supplanted by a longing to return to a time when everything seemed simpler. The fountain sat in the middle, empty, desolate except for a single black bird the size of a small child gazing at him from over its hooked beak. It rose on black wings, feathers like outstretched fingers, to a ledge on the side of a building where it resumed its vigil. A couple, lovers by the way they acted, occupied a bench on the north side. From the east, a trio of businessmen or possibly government workers approached the spot where Jeremiah stood reminiscing. Their voices echoed over the cold cement.
Jeremiah didn’t hear him the first time.
“Hey, buddy. You got a match?”
Jeremiah’s head twisted to the right. A man, thirty-something with a cocky mouth and an unlit cigarette hanging between two fingers, spoke to him.
“No. I don’t smoke,” Jeremiah said.
The man rolled his head and elbowed one of the others beside him. “He doesn’t smoke. I wonder if he’s under the impression I do.”
His laugh matched his mouth. Jeremiah tried to figure out the why the man considered it so funny. He quickly gave up and turned his head away.
“Are you ignoring me?” the man said, a mixture of condescension, amusement, and anger flavoring his tone.
“Let’s go, Brian. They’re expecting us in thirty.”
“That gives us plenty of time to mess with this guy,” Brian said. He addressed Jeremiah. “What are you? Homeless? Too stupid or too lazy to get a job? I’m going with the former. What do you think, Jesse?”
The third man, shorter than the rest, responded. “I’ll say too lazy for twenty.” Listless blond hair hung from a pale head.
“So, what is it, old man?” Brian said. “We got the first round of drinks riding on this.”
“The Lord rebuke you,” Jeremiah said.
“The Lord what?” Brian’s laugh returned. “You one of those ….”
The second guy cut Brian off. “I know him.” His eyes narrowed. His expression grew solemn. “Let’s go,” he repeated.
“You know him?” Brian said. “Some old drinking buddy? Don’t tell me you hooked up with his sister.”
The guy shook his head. “It’s him. Jeremiah.” The words came out as a reverential whisper.
“Jeremiah?” Brian said a little too loudly. “The Jeremiah? I could’ve sworn he was dead.” The condescension and anger returned, this time with a dose of fear, which he did his best to hide.
“It looks like him,” Jesse said, peering at Jeremiah’s face. “Damn! It is him.” He shrunk back a couple steps. When he regained his composure, he continued. “Hey, Jeremiah. Give me a prophecy. Tell me what the future holds for me.”
“Why don’t you consult one of your fortune tellers?” Jeremiah replied. “See if their crystal balls can eke out a guess.”
“I’ve got a hundred if you can tell me.”
Jeremiah let out a grunt and headed off. The three men followed a few steps behind. The couple on the bench turned to monitor the situation. A few more recent arrivals observed the scene as well.
“Where’re you going, Jerry?” Brian dragged Jeremiah to a halt. “I got a couple questions I need to ask you.”
“Let him be,” the second guy said.
“What’s your deal, Damian?”
“Do you know who you’re messing with?” A scar on Damian’s temple glistened in the afternoon sun.
“You don’t believe his crap, do you?”
The words sputtered out of Damian’s mouth. “I’m just saying ….”
Brian sneered at him. “Really? Isn’t he the ‘God’s coming to judge us’ loser? ‘Keep it in your pants’ guy? He’s a moron.”
“Look around you,” Damian said.
“At what?”
“Everything,” Damian said. “Whether he’s from God or not, his predictions have been scary accurate.”
“What did he predict? An economic collapse? Those idiots at the Fed devalued the dollar with their stupid policies. Get rid of them, replace them with someone who knows what he’s doing, and we’ll get back to normal.” Brian watched Damian’s expression for a few seconds. “Alright. I’ll leave him alone. As long as he grants me one request.” He forced the seriousness into his face. “I apologize, sir, for my earlier rudeness. If you would be so kind, would you mind granting me a word from God.”
A snicker escaped from Jesse. Brian maintained his strained solemnity. The others, who had gathered around, watched to see what Jeremiah would say. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and sighed deeply, as though his spirit groaned within.
“I have no word for you,” he said, “other than the one I have spoken before. If you don’t mind, I’d like to be on my way.”
“But I do mind,” Brian said. “So, speak a word from the Lord, or everyone will know you’re a fraud.”
“You’re a buffoon,” Jeremiah replied. “A fool. Just as pearls are not to be thrown to swine, the Lord’s word will not be given to you.”
Jeremiah reached toward his cheek to ease the sting. Brian’s arm fell back to his side. His eyes blazed red in the gray sunlight, shining on the outline of four fingers etched into Jeremiah’s face.
“Jackass.”
Jeremiah’s mouth tightened as though a rebuttal would follow. Instead, he chose to remain silent. A woman spoke from the crowd.
“I would like to hear what he has to say.”
The woman felt Jeremiah’s gaze penetrate deep into that place she didn’t want anyone to know. She wrapped her shirt tighter as if that could protect her. The rest of the ever-growing crowd leaned in to hear. Jeremiah cleared his throat.
“I have nothing to say.”
“Please,” the woman said. A pentagram with two flanking moons adorned her wrist.
“You will not listen,” Jeremiah said. “None of you will.”
“We will.”
“You do not have ears to hear. Your mind does not understand nor can it. The delusion is complete. Even Pharaoh knew to let the Israelites go when his firstborn died, but you willingly sacrifice your own. God, in his great mercy, will preserve a remnant for himself. Your children’s children will seek him. But for you, there is no hope.”
Jeremiah passed through the crowd. No one tried to stop him this time. The vulture rose from the ledge into the warm, gray sky. Its shrill cry reached to the far edges of the city, beckoning the others to prepare for the feast.
“Oh, Lord. You are righteous in all your ways. There is no deceit in you. Justice sits on your right. Mercy remains on your left. Truth and wisdom and honor and glory are yours.”
“Your mighty right hand draws back the bow. Arrows fly from the string and strike down the wicked. A sword, the word of your mouth, cuts open the evildoer to expose his sinfulness. His hypocrisy is on full display. His secret deeds tremble before your watchful eye.”
“A lying tongue you hate. Haughty eyes, hands that shed innocent blood. A heart that devises wicked plans. All these things you despise. The false witness. The one who stirs up hate. The cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars. They have no place in your kingdom.”
“But the ones who love you will see your face. Those who remain obedient will be rewarded with your presence. Forever they will serve you. And you will be their God, and they will be your people.”
“The evil days have arrived. Wickedness traps me on every side and threatens to crush my body. Help me, Lord, to remain faithful. Let my words be your words, my thoughts your thoughts. Remove the fear from my heart, the fear at knowing the world will hate me for having spoken your truth. Just as you helped me stand in my youth, also give me strength to withstand the days of my old age.”
“So often I feel weak, helpless to do anything. Worthless. Scorned, rejected, betrayed. Angry, doubtful, lost, and hopeful all at the same time. I know you haven’t asked me to do anything other than to speak. Still, I long for more. I long to know that my words have not been in vain. To know that they have made a difference in someone’s life. I fear they have not. I fear that in my request you see my selfishness, the desire to glorify myself and not you. Lord, I long to obey you perfectly, to arrive before your throne and hear, ‘Well done.’ But will you tell me, ‘Depart from me you doer of evil, for I do not know you?’ All because I have failed. Because I have sinned in ways that disgust you, that disgust me. I know I deserve nothing from you other than the judgment of eternal condemnation. Still, I throw myself at the foot of the cross and cling to the mercy of my risen Savior. Let his righteousness fall on me and cover all my sins.”
“Tear down the idols that would replace you, the only true God, and let nothing come between me and you. I will seek you every day. At night, my thoughts will be of you. Glorify yourself through my broken body. Let my suffering praise your holy name. And grant me one final request: that I hear and recognize your voice, the voice of the Good Shepherd calling out my name. And my tongue will praise you forever.”